1/1/2012
I had fun on New Year’s Eve by launching bottle rockets at drunken bums… until a cop busted me. Now felons shoot their own bottle rockets all over my face.
1/2/2012
Jack Moriarty would like to plead “Not guilty” to a murder he did not commit… but his alibi is lighting a night club fire that killed 30 kids. He’s fucked.
1/3/2012
Listening to “Shilo,” my bestie said, “These lyrics are creepy.”
“Yeah,”I said, “People with imaginary friends suck.”
Mom asked, “Who are you talking to?”
“Uh, nobody,” I wisely answered.
1/4/2012
The Christmas village gets stored away this week, disappearing until next December. I wonder how the miniature people feel about losing their homes each January, as well as Batman’s protection.
1/5/2012
Drawing: Zombie Editor (see picture and 1/6 story)
1/6/2012
I thought “Zombie Press” was a clever name. My manuscript was returned with a big bite mark and the words, “Needs more brains,” scrawled in red… I hope that’s ink.
1/7/2012
I found a sock; not mine. He missed his “lucky” sock. I wondered, he worried. Eventually, our paths crossed again. Upon realizing, I returned it and got something special back.
1/8/2012
I read about zombie bees caused by parasitic flies. I’ll never eat honey again, for fear that the zombie apocalypse will happen, and claim me as one of its horde.
1/9/2012
I dialed found digits: 867-5309.
She said irritably, “Let me guess: It’s on a bathroom wall?”
“No; in a used book.”
“Which?”
“The Kama Sutra.”
She hung up on me.
1/10/2012
At the 20-year class reunion, most people showed signs of age. One man didn't. When confronted, Dorian replied, "Yes, I've aged well, thanks. But my portrait hasn't." Awkward silence followed.
1/11/2012
I wanted to post, "Help! I am dead," to Facebook, but my fingers couldn't press down on the keys. I need to learn from the subway ghost... or Patrick Swayze's.
1/12/2012 (A 30-word story that also doubles as a poem!)
Kevin always heard he was digging his own grave with a spoon and a fork.
When his heart seized during a meal at KFC, he thought, "No; with a spork."
1/13/2012
HELP. I've been kidnapped by a deranged "author" who forces me to edit her Twilight fan-fiction. If rescue is too much to hope for, I pray for a quick death.
1/14/2012
Used bookstores smell funny—of yellowed paper, fading ink, dust, and, after a guy accidentally traded his first edition paperback of Stephen King’s Richard Bachman book Rage, blood and gunsmoke.
1/15/2012
Damn psychiatric drugs. I was a much more creative writer without them. I mean, you can't possibly get any more creative than writing romantic poems in your true love's blood.
1/16/2012 Drawing: writer/editor collaboration (see picture and 1/13 story)
1/17/2012
What will happen when the planets next align? Apocalypse? Zombie uprising? Annihilation by alien invaders? Nothing aside from a cool-looking astronomical occurrence? My money is riding on the last one.
1/18/2012
Though October was ten months away, Sam was already thinking of creative ways to get candy on Halloween night... as well as creative places to hide the bodies of trick-or-treaters.
1/19/2012
The teacher subtracted a full letter from Mike’s homework grade; five points for falling asleep in class, and five for lying about the assignment getting wet in the nonexistent rain.
1/20/2012
"He loved Big Brother," the SOPA/PIPA protester posted on Facebook before the military arrested him. He said, "I knew 'George Orwell' was a pseudonym, but didn't think it was Nostrodamus's."
1/21/2012 Drawing: Moby-Jaws
1/22/2012
My annoying neighbor often asks, "May I chew on your ear?" I finally said okay, and he hacked it off with a cleaver. Goddamn freak didn't even chew on it...
1/23/2012
Philip was wearing his World of Warcraft t-shirt when the hungry dead came back to life. They completely ignored him. Who knew that video games really do rot one's brain?
(Boy, I've really let these fall to the wayside, haven't I? Sorry about that... I'll try to get caught up before Monday, the last day. If I don't, feel free to chide me endlessly about not finishing what I've started.)
1/24/2012
No sooner did I start my PI business than she walked into my office... and plugged me right between the eyes. (Sorry, but I never was cut out for noir...)
1/25/2012
Upon reading a true article about crazy "pregnancy dreams," I came to the conclusion that I've been pregnant ever since I started therapy when I was 18. Damn psychotropic drugs.
1/26/2012 [I got lazy for this one.]
The interviewer asked, "How do you keep busy writing so many different stories?"
The author replied, "I push myself, even when I'm bored and run out of ideas; especially then." [REALLY lazy...]
1/27/2012
The wolf snapped at a bat, swallowing it whole. Dracula then retook humanoid form. And that's how the werewolf/vampire feud really began; not over a teenage human girl named Bella.
1/28/2012
Suicidal Joey went to church, seeking solace upon losing his fiancee, Hope. The priest said, "Don't worry, my son; there's always hope." The gunshot echoed through the church like thunder.
1/29/2012
With one day left of 30 Words 30 Days 30 Stories, the writer started thinking of how to go out with a bang. Out of ideas, he said, "Fuck it;."
[Tomorrow's the last day; I'll try to find inspiration today and tomorrow. I just thought it would be funny to use the project in today's story. Very meta!]
1/30/2012 Drawing: If Twilight Were Realistic
[I considered simply illustrating the 1/27 story, with Dracula vs being eating by a werewolf, but decided that mocking Twilight would be more fun. I hung the original drawing up on my cork board, which now has three anti-Twilight items on it... it's kind of worrying that I devote so much space to Twilight. Oh well.]
And that's it. I hope you all have enjoyed following my 30-day challenge... assuming you have followed it. ;-)
I had fun on New Year’s Eve by launching bottle rockets at drunken bums… until a cop busted me. Now felons shoot their own bottle rockets all over my face.
1/2/2012
Jack Moriarty would like to plead “Not guilty” to a murder he did not commit… but his alibi is lighting a night club fire that killed 30 kids. He’s fucked.
1/3/2012
Listening to “Shilo,” my bestie said, “These lyrics are creepy.”
“Yeah,”I said, “People with imaginary friends suck.”
Mom asked, “Who are you talking to?”
“Uh, nobody,” I wisely answered.
1/4/2012
The Christmas village gets stored away this week, disappearing until next December. I wonder how the miniature people feel about losing their homes each January, as well as Batman’s protection.
1/5/2012
Drawing: Zombie Editor (see picture and 1/6 story)
1/6/2012
I thought “Zombie Press” was a clever name. My manuscript was returned with a big bite mark and the words, “Needs more brains,” scrawled in red… I hope that’s ink.
1/7/2012
I found a sock; not mine. He missed his “lucky” sock. I wondered, he worried. Eventually, our paths crossed again. Upon realizing, I returned it and got something special back.
1/8/2012
I read about zombie bees caused by parasitic flies. I’ll never eat honey again, for fear that the zombie apocalypse will happen, and claim me as one of its horde.
1/9/2012
I dialed found digits: 867-5309.
She said irritably, “Let me guess: It’s on a bathroom wall?”
“No; in a used book.”
“Which?”
“The Kama Sutra.”
She hung up on me.
1/10/2012
At the 20-year class reunion, most people showed signs of age. One man didn't. When confronted, Dorian replied, "Yes, I've aged well, thanks. But my portrait hasn't." Awkward silence followed.
1/11/2012
I wanted to post, "Help! I am dead," to Facebook, but my fingers couldn't press down on the keys. I need to learn from the subway ghost... or Patrick Swayze's.
1/12/2012 (A 30-word story that also doubles as a poem!)
Kevin always heard he was digging his own grave with a spoon and a fork.
When his heart seized during a meal at KFC, he thought, "No; with a spork."
1/13/2012
HELP. I've been kidnapped by a deranged "author" who forces me to edit her Twilight fan-fiction. If rescue is too much to hope for, I pray for a quick death.
1/14/2012
Used bookstores smell funny—of yellowed paper, fading ink, dust, and, after a guy accidentally traded his first edition paperback of Stephen King’s Richard Bachman book Rage, blood and gunsmoke.
1/15/2012
Damn psychiatric drugs. I was a much more creative writer without them. I mean, you can't possibly get any more creative than writing romantic poems in your true love's blood.
1/16/2012 Drawing: writer/editor collaboration (see picture and 1/13 story)
1/17/2012
What will happen when the planets next align? Apocalypse? Zombie uprising? Annihilation by alien invaders? Nothing aside from a cool-looking astronomical occurrence? My money is riding on the last one.
1/18/2012
Though October was ten months away, Sam was already thinking of creative ways to get candy on Halloween night... as well as creative places to hide the bodies of trick-or-treaters.
1/19/2012
The teacher subtracted a full letter from Mike’s homework grade; five points for falling asleep in class, and five for lying about the assignment getting wet in the nonexistent rain.
1/20/2012
"He loved Big Brother," the SOPA/PIPA protester posted on Facebook before the military arrested him. He said, "I knew 'George Orwell' was a pseudonym, but didn't think it was Nostrodamus's."
1/21/2012 Drawing: Moby-Jaws
1/22/2012
My annoying neighbor often asks, "May I chew on your ear?" I finally said okay, and he hacked it off with a cleaver. Goddamn freak didn't even chew on it...
1/23/2012
Philip was wearing his World of Warcraft t-shirt when the hungry dead came back to life. They completely ignored him. Who knew that video games really do rot one's brain?
(Boy, I've really let these fall to the wayside, haven't I? Sorry about that... I'll try to get caught up before Monday, the last day. If I don't, feel free to chide me endlessly about not finishing what I've started.)
1/24/2012
No sooner did I start my PI business than she walked into my office... and plugged me right between the eyes. (Sorry, but I never was cut out for noir...)
1/25/2012
Upon reading a true article about crazy "pregnancy dreams," I came to the conclusion that I've been pregnant ever since I started therapy when I was 18. Damn psychotropic drugs.
1/26/2012 [I got lazy for this one.]
The interviewer asked, "How do you keep busy writing so many different stories?"
The author replied, "I push myself, even when I'm bored and run out of ideas; especially then." [REALLY lazy...]
1/27/2012
The wolf snapped at a bat, swallowing it whole. Dracula then retook humanoid form. And that's how the werewolf/vampire feud really began; not over a teenage human girl named Bella.
1/28/2012
Suicidal Joey went to church, seeking solace upon losing his fiancee, Hope. The priest said, "Don't worry, my son; there's always hope." The gunshot echoed through the church like thunder.
1/29/2012
With one day left of 30 Words 30 Days 30 Stories, the writer started thinking of how to go out with a bang. Out of ideas, he said, "Fuck it;."
[Tomorrow's the last day; I'll try to find inspiration today and tomorrow. I just thought it would be funny to use the project in today's story. Very meta!]
1/30/2012 Drawing: If Twilight Were Realistic
[I considered simply illustrating the 1/27 story, with Dracula vs being eating by a werewolf, but decided that mocking Twilight would be more fun. I hung the original drawing up on my cork board, which now has three anti-Twilight items on it... it's kind of worrying that I devote so much space to Twilight. Oh well.]
And that's it. I hope you all have enjoyed following my 30-day challenge... assuming you have followed it. ;-)