Eighteen-year-old guys are dumb, especially if they have sex with the jailbait daughters of a tattooist. One of my competitors has slutty, underage triplets, who’ve all brought home older guys for their dad to punish. He’d tattoo the label ‘Pedo Bear’ on them as they’d sleep.
I’ve had numerous guys in my shop ask me to cover it up. I invented my own character, Pedro Bear, to ink beside the amended label. Pedro looks like the stereotypical mariachi, with sombrero and guitar; only he’s a bear. The character’s so popular, even people who don’t know the tattooist’s daughters have asked for that design.
Since he found out about it, he now tattoos the word ‘Pedophile’ instead... and wants to sue me. I don’t think there’ll be a problem, as he never drew Pedro, nor intentionally tattooed the name on anyone. Still... I thank him, and his triplets, for the business.
'The Survivor,' by Roy Hudson
Campfire and laughter drew the survivor to the beach party. “Please don’t shoot,” he whispered. “It’s been so long since I’ve heard friendly voices; I’d like to join you.”
The college students looked at the newcomer. He wore a pack overflowing with canned goods, cooking apparel, and weapons. One asked, “Why are you dressed for the zombie apocalypse?”
“Because... it happened, right? I mean, guys were biting people’s faces off. I dropped everything and set out to survive.”
“Dude, that was a year ago. It was just few isolated events. There’s no zombie apocalypse.”
The survivor gritted his teeth. “You mean to tell me I left all my relationships and responsibilities behind for nothing?”
“Looks that way. Sucks to be you!” The college kids all laughed. The gun came out, seemingly on its own.
When police arrived, they found the survivor in the fetal position, repeating, “They were zombies...”