“Just the Two of Us,” by Roy Hudson
We… I mean, I… was recently released from Arkham. I was doing well. I’d managed to shrug off that maniac’s influence on me, and with the right medication and therapy… I felt confident that I was cured. But the GCPD still kept tabs on me, did the Batman.
I went for a stroll that night. There had been a time before when I’d been cured, but a vicious gangster named Warren White had… manipulated me into going back to my old ways. But this time, I really think I’m well. And to find peace, I’d taken to fighting crime again, though on a limited basis. I would go into crime-infested areas, leading my followers to dirty deeds, where the perpetrators would be brought to justice, either by the police or the Capes Crusader. On this particular evening, I was on my toes, because I’d read that the Joker had escaped from Arkham yet again. With that monster on the loose, I didn’t think I would be followed too closely, because surely the cops and vigilante would be after the more dangerous of the three of us… I mean, the two of us… I mean, the Joker and me.
I followed the sounds of screams at first, which were always helpful with the other criminals, and I stumbled across some lowlifes… but then I realized that screams weren’t exactly his style… so I sought out the sound of laughter. Maniacal, involuntary laughter that would eventually lead to death. I heard no laughter, but I did hear two gunshots, followed by a baby crying… Something inside… or someone… told me to follow that sound.
I found him. The Joker had just gunned down the parents of a shrieking infant. I thought of my old friend, Bruce Wayne. He lost his parents the same time, only he was unfortunate enough to be more than a baby. The memory continues to haunt him, I'm sure. He recommended therapy to me, though he once admitted to me that he never used it. I wonder if he still hasn't. Bruce was a good friend to me. He'd never given up on me. Come to think of it, neither had Batman, no matter what horrible crimes we committed… I mean, I committed. Anyway, besides myself, the Joker and infant were not alone. Gordon and the Batman were there, but had been too late to save the parents. I had never seen Batman so… What’s the word? Defeated? Conflicted. Joker had finally crossed the line Batman had long-ago drawn in the sand, and now he didn’t know what to do about his longtime arch-nemesis. Gordon, did though. He drew his gun.
“Put that infant down now, clown, or I’ll put one right between your eyes. If you’re going to choose a human target, you really should choose one that would make it harder for me to hit you.”
Joker leered over at Batman. “You’re not honestly going to let him shoot me, are you, Batsy? Not with your strict anti-gun code.”
Batman… was silent. Gordon sensed that something was wrong with his longtime associate, so he did the talking. “Let me? You don’t understand. This gun comes with the badge. They’re both part of the job. My title in the GCPD may have changed, but my dedication to the tools of the trade have not. And Batman respects the law enough to let me do my damned job.”
Joker didn’t take his eyes off Batman. “You do realize that if he kills me, all the lives I’ve taken, which I couldn’t have if you’d killed me all those years ago, will have been for nothing. If you don’t save me this time, you will be responsible for everything I’ve done, as well as the loss of my life, which you have tried to prolong for as long as possible, because of your inane insistence that I can be cured. But since I see you’re at a loss for words, and Gordon’s decision is mine to make, I’ll give you one last thing to remember me—”
I don’t even think they knew I was there. I jumped the Joker from behind, got him in a choke hold, and gently pried the baby from his hand while knocking the gun loose with my elbow. Joker spun away from me, and sent me a fiery stare. “Harvey, you two-faced—”
And that’s when I picked up the gun and shot him. He went down, laughing all the way. Or maybe that was Batman laughing. In fact, I’m almost certain of it. Whether Joker was dead or not, Batman said, “Joker always had a wild card up his sleeve. This time, so did I. Gordon is the law, and I respect the law, so you were both right: I couldn’t have stopped you, Jim. But Harvey? Harvey was one of you, Joker. A loose cannon… but something tells me he’s got it under control now. Don’t you, Harvey.”
We… I… looked at the gun and lowered it, almost dropping it. “What happens next?”
Batman and Gordon looked at each other. “Jim,” Batman said, “he did something I’d hoped would never happen on my watch. That baby Is going to grow up without his parents, just as I did. I wanted you to kill him.”
Gordon smirked. “I’d hoped you’d say that.” With that, he walked up to where the Joker lay, and put one between his eyes. If he’d survived my shot, he certainly didn’t survive that. “So how do you feel now? Better, or worse?”
“Neither. Both. I… don’t know. And now I'm not sure if what we’ve done together in the past can continue.”
“Big Brother is watching,” Gordon said. “Somehow, video of my shooting Joker in the head will go viral. I’ll likely lose my job. I have been wanting to retire, anyway. How about you, Batman? Do you want to retire?”
“I… don’t know. What do you say, Harvey? Should I go on?”
And then… he came back and put a grin on our… my… scarred face. “Why don’t you flip a coin to decide?”
Gordon gripped his gun tighter and said, “Harvey… why don’t you throw the gun down, and hand the baby to me? We’ve got this from here.”
I wanted to, but… he had other ideas. “Do it, Batman. Flip a coin. Good heads, you quit… Bad heads, we shoot this kid and you take us in.”
“Unlike you, Harvey, the only coins in my pocket have heads and tails. Why don’t you use yours?”
It was a trick, of course… and Two-Face fell for it. I knew what Batman was doing, but I had no plans of letting him know that. As we… he fumbled our… my… pockets for the coin, Gordon caught me off guard, much as I had the Joker. He didn’t shoot me, but he sprinted over while Two-Face was distracted and punched us…. I mean, me in the faces… I mean, face.
When I woke up, I was cuffed and there were cops all over the place. Gordon was also in cuffs. Evidently, he had been correct
Once I was in the back of a patrol car, I overheard Batman say to Gordon, “You know… he had a point.”
“Who?”
“Two-Face. I can’t make up my mind, so… I think I’ll leave it to chance.” He reached into his utility belt and pulled out a quarter. “Heads I call it quits, tails I keep fighting.”
Gordon sighed. “The fact that you chose quitting as your heads tells me you’ve already decided.”
“Not necessarily. It could just as easily land tails-up. Let’s see.” He flipped the coin… and while it was midair, the cop cranked up the car and slowly began to drive us… I mean, me back to Arkham. He was SCREAMING in my head for the officer to stop so he could find out what the coin said. I internalized it. I didn’t say a word.
I don’t want him to know. If Batman retired, Gotham’s not safe if he finds out. The last thing a GCPD without Commissioner James Gordon needs is us running around…. I mean, me… No.
We mean, us.
The End.