They say that what you’re doing on midnight at New Year’s Eve is a hint toward what your year is like; I fucking hope not.
I thought it was the perfect scam. I got a hacker buddy to send emails to all the fans of a popular rock band. The lawsuit dictates that I’m not allowed to say which one… but if you keep up with the news, you fucking know which one.
Anyway, the scam was simple: I’d email details about a secret concert taking place on New Year’s Eve with this fan-favorite rock band whose initials are not F.F. and charge $100 per ticket in cash at the door of an old club that had fallen into disrepair, and for which I would not pay for its use. It’s in a shitty part of town, so I didn’t think anyone would notice… and since no rock concert would actually take place there, I didn’t think anyone in the area would complain about the noise.
So, at 11 p.m. on December 31st, I collected $100 cash from everyone whom had fallen for it. The place sold more tickets than the venue’s capacity, but I didn’t think anyone would mind. Someone did, though… The band’s front man, whose initials are not D.G.
At 11:45, a limo pulled up in front of me. A crowd rushed the car, and I wondered who could possibly be in it. Then the doors opened and the band stepped out... right behind several bodyguards who made a path toward me to keep the fans out of not-D.G.’s way as he approached me. He said, “We got several messages on social media about this impromptu New Year’s show, and did some digging. The venue wasn’t cleared, so… we paid for it ourselves. And since it’s a holiday, we decided to make it,” he raised his voice, “a free show.”
He then motioned a bodyguard toward me and the ape grabbed me and forced me inside. He carried me up the stairs to the balcony. The band then took the stage and started the countdown to midnight. The bully dragging me turned on a fan at the top of the balcony, blowing air directly on me. At the count of one, the bodyguard grabbed me and dangled me over the masses… a rather high drop had he let go of my legs. All the money I had collected for the show fell from my pockets as the fan blew the bills out, landing all over the crowd. I guess everyone got a refund as the band whose initials are not F.F. played, “Auld Lang Syne.”
By the time I was back on my feet, an officer had arrived with handcuffs. Since the venue was paid for and the band had cleared things with the police department, and since the crowd got their money back, the only crime I’d committed was fraud. And, of course, the band was suing me for the cost of the venue and permits. If I can’t come up with the money by the end of the year, I’ll be thrown into jail. I have plenty of time to think of a new scam to get the money. This time, I’ll find a crooked band manager to help, and I can split the money with him…