The group gathered in the Metropolis high school gym for their meetings every Sunday at noon. Not all of them believed in the Sabbath, but out of respect for their nemeses, they decided that, if they were to take a day off from trying to destroy a planet or two, it might as well be on a holy day.
The mediator called out, “Alright, everyone, gather round. It seems we have a familiar face in our midst again, after a brief stint as a superhero. And in case you’ve spent the past twenty years living under a rock, or in outer space (I haven’t forgotten you, Arkillo), you may even remember his days as President of the United States. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Lex back to our group.”
The bald former hero of Metropolis stood up, his head hanging low. “Thank you, everyone. But I don’t know that I’m the villain I once was. It felt good being a hero.”
Arkillo nodded. “Don’t feel bad, Lex. I also enjoyed being the Sinestro Corps’ protector of this sector. It wasn’t until our leader once again accepted the Parallax entity that I was called out from my heroic duties to once again be a villain.”
The mediator replied, “Yes, but your Corps’ former leader was blasted to bits by the leader of the Green Lantern Corps. You chose not to become a hero again. If you truly enjoyed it, why stop just because a dead boss willed it, a boss whose successor turned the Corps into heroes?”
Arkillo shrugged. “Revenge, I guess.”
“But revenge against whom, Arkillo? The Green Lanterns, or the deceased leader who called you back to villainy?”
Arkillo leaped from his chair. “I am a villain,” he shouted. “Sinestro didn’t make me that way!”
“Forget, Arkillo,” Bizarro suggested, “last names allowed.”
The mediator smirked. “Thank you, Bizarro. You do understand that he means the opposite, right, Lex?”
Lex groaned, “I’ve been here before, you buffoon. I know how this works.”
Bizarro growled, “Be mean to Plastic Man, Lex! Plastic Man Bizarro’s worst enemy!”
The mediator cleared his throat and said, “Bizarro, you should know that hero or villain names are not allowed… unless, you know, your hero or villain name is your first name, like the majority of you here. Call me Eel.”
Lex snorted. “I don’t even know how you’re the leader of this group, ‘Eel.’ You’re not a villain. You were an incompetent thief who was set up, gained super powers by accident, and got revenge against your former partners before becoming an incompetent member of the JLA.”
Eel frowned. “But… I helped all of Superman’s enemies escape from their underwater prison. Surely that accounts for something.”
“That wasn’t in continuity and you know it!”